Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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