He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
