I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
