My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
