Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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