um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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