please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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