Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
