I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
