She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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