too bad you live with your parents still
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
