I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
