Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
