Your face is a jimmy john
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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