im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
