Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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