Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize