I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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