he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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