Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
