i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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