Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i dont even know how to be here
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
