y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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