i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
be right there i have to get my cape
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize