peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize