dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
