he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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