How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i out mim tonsoeep
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