I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
