I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
