I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
