like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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