your parents love me but you hate me
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
