I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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