Welp...herpes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
