I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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