I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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