Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize