Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
