If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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