If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize