Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
