Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Everclear isn't food dammit
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
