if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
