I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
