Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
