he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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