this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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