u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude i'm inner monologue high
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
