I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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