brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
