the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it because I queefed?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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