After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
