Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
