What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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