He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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