i love accidental penises.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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