Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
