At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize