just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
