singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
