They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
