a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
