Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
