wakey wakey hands off snakey
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
