I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
